How I made 6 children cry and was nearly killed by a large Polynisian woman, and why I hate other people's children

Yesterday, due to mt apartment complex's eternal lameness I was forced to take Prince to the park to ride is new tricycle instead of using all the little paths that are IN THE COMPLEX. (See awesome tricycle above)


Well, I took him to the local park, and there were a lot of people there and they all seemed to know each other. It seemed to be some sort of family reunion for a LARGE Polynisian family. ( Seriously large, like a coupe hundred people. I don't think I personally know that many freaking people) But, there wasn't a "reserved" placard up, so I had just as much a right to be at the park as they did.

Well We pushed prince around on the trike for a while, and then he wanted to play on the playground, so I parked the trike in the corner of the yard and Prince ran off to play on the playground. As soon as my hand wasn't actually on the trike, a swarm of children just attacked it like flies on a carcass. After about 5 minutes of watching my son's new, expensive tricycle being abused by these little rat kids, I walked over, plopped him back on it and pushed him away. Well, this causes instant tears from the little trike-jackers, "It's mine! It's MINE!" Suddenly I find myself nose-to-navel with an ENORMOUS, Amazon like Islander woman, with several other equally large women backing her up. Eight year olds were bigger than me.

"Why are you taking my kids' bike?" She booms.
"I'm not. I'm taking MY kid's trike." I say, sounding less tough then I would have liked.
"Says who?" she says
"Says the fact that my kid's name is on it it like, three places" says I, and with that I quickly manuver around them, back to Husband, where we load up and leave.

ANd this leads me to the next half as to why I hate other people's children.

Now, I love my own children. Obviously, Prince is perfect and must be loved


But other kids I am less enthusiastic about, espcially lately. It seems like all the children around here are just little felons in training, militant, nefarious little beasts, who steal toys and popcicles . It's like my child is a small country with nice toys being overtaken by a larger, militant countries with runny noses.

Since May Prince has lost 3 balls, a bucket ( cruelly trampled by the foot of an angry 5 year old) gallons of bubble mix have been poured out, unblown, and dozens of waterballoons monopolized and destroyed before Prince even gets to play with them.

And parents don't force their kids to play nice. Some brat knocks Prince off his bike and ride off on it, I chase that little bastard down and take it back, and I'm the bad guy for taking my kid's stuff.

Other children just suck. They are loud. They say things like " Your mama's so dumb she stuck a battery up hr butt cuz she thought she was battery operated". They walk into your house and straight up take my kid's toys. They rip popsicles out of his little hands and eat them.

Other kids freaking suck. I don't let my kid take toys from other kids. I allow him to make a ruckus in restaurants and movies and supermarkets. I don't let my kid say rude things. Its not that hard. WHY CAN'T OTHER PEOPLE REALIZE THAT?