1 when you drop something in a a store and people see you do it. They look even more badly at you when you put said item back. Epsecially if it is a child size picnic table that you just decided you don't need since you don't have a yard. Upon hearing this news, the tiny table will throw itself to the ground, not break, but make it evident that it is missing several bolts. Salvation Army will try to make you buy it.
2 children throwing tantrums. Prince doesn't throw many but when he does they are spectacular, and people stare at me like I am a terrible parent and person in general because my kid is screaming like I cut his head off when I actually told him " no candy"
3 spilling things. I am either very good at spilling things, or terrible at keeping them contained. If something is going to spill, it will always be very loud when something serious is going on, or else it will happen when someone important is watching you and if you are very unlucky it will happen ON that person.
4 Farting. Farting is just embarrassing. It is also embarrassing when you end up witnessing the fart of someone else. They you have to decide if you are going to address it or ignore it, and it is awkward for both parties.
5 Being around drunk people who are not in your usual group of drinking buddies. We have all had this happen. You have a group of people you always drink with. You know what each other drinks, and you know how those people react to alcohol. Chances are they react about the same as you. If you are a member of of the "Really chill, laid back" type pf drunkenness, it is awkward and disturbing when someone brings a "Loud, rowdy, breaking-shit" type of drunk into your mix. Often, you must evict the inviter from the group due to this indiscretion.
6 WHen someone catches you singing. You were alone, and happily belting out the lyrics to " I dreamed a Dream" when you turn around to see three coworkers staring at you. ANd then they will poke fun you for this.
7 Conspicuous zits. They are there. They hurt. You know they are there, a beacon of blemish, and yet someone, or several someones feel morally obligated to point out that there is an oozing pustule the size of Venus on your chin.
8 Operating someone else's television. Everyone knows how thier TV works, and all TVs are different. You go to your buddy's house and while they are preparing dinner, they hand you the remote with hurried instruction on how to "watch whatever you want".What happens is you break their TV and make it turn into scary snow, and your friend thinks you are stupid.
9 The first day of work. You haven't been judged this harshly since High School. And you KNOW there is someone there, sizing you up, who wanted the position that you ended up with. Look out for that guy. You'll have to ask 30000 questions of the course of the day and everyone will think you are mildly retarded.
10. Having a card decline. You KNOW there is money there. You put it there yesterday. Now ou $200 worth of groceries and personal lubricant ( His and Hers Sensual Arousal which is sitting proudly on top of your TP and your Windex) THe card declines three times, you give up, leave your oreos and lube behind, go to the bank and discover that yes, you do have $600 in your checking account. And now, they don't know why it didn't work. SO you take out cash and return to the store to find all your stuff had been put back. Now you have to start all over. And now you will be 17 cents short.
11. When tampons fall out of your purse. Always in front of boys men, your boss, or a group of elderly people. The following "jokes" aren't much fun either.
12. Needing toilet paper and having to ask. What's worse then having to inform a total stranger that your ass is wet and possibly covered in excrement, and could they please lend you a few squares of toilet tissue? Yeah. Awkward.
13. When parents ask about your sex life. Or spontaneously inform you of theirs. This can be completely scarring. Especially when done in WalMart. Thanks, Dad.
Yeah, AWkward. I know you well......
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