A Harrowing Ordeal

Yesterday was A Harrowing Ordeal. It did not start out as such. It started out pretty damn normal. I went to work. I made balloons. I read Miss Manners. Everything was going swimmingly, but for the fact that thepeople I was hosting this particular birthday party for were grumpy buttmunches who somehow expected me to bring 20 pizzas, drinks, and individual bags of cheetos to them all by myself, instead of walking by and picking them up cafeteria style like normal, less entitled people would do, especially when the person (me) just cooked 20 meals, placed them neatly on a long bar and said "Alright, food up!" . But no. After 10 minutes the grumpy party mom asked me "Well, are you going to bring it to us or what?"

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..............No.

How do you expect me to accomplish that?Hmm? It is OBVIOUSLY more effecient to line up everyone and grab your own pizza, chips and drink. If you can't see that, I can't help you.

But that was only the begginning.

Then I had to ring these people up. Normally this is no big deal. Their total was only $61. But someone had already checked these people out ( Note: I work in a hotel and we rent out rooms for parties and meetings, but in the computer its like they are staying in the hotel) Now I am only allowed to know how to do one thing- ring up parties. If somethign is even an Iota off from what I was taught, I cannot do it since I am not allowed to know how to other things ( Or fix them) The real front desk person couldn't figure it out either. He told me to call the manager, who had left 15minutes ago.

Now, normally I like the manager. Her name starts with C and she's a sweetheart of epic proportions and is normally very sweet and pateint when it comes to explaining things to me, as I am pretty damn slow at stuff like this. Unfortunately, without her RIGHT THERE, her instructions were useless, confusing, and frustrating because she wanted me to do things that I'm not technically allowed to do and therefore didn't know how to do them, so I was fucking it up. She'd say " Push this button"
I say "Ok"
She says "What happened?"
I say " It turned blue"
She says " It can't turn blue"
I say "Well it did."
She says "Let me talk to Real Desk Person"
I thrust phone at RDP. After a moment he hands it back to me.
She says "Push "Billing"
I say " I can't, its greyed out."
SHe says "WHY?"
At this point I want to bang the phone on the counter repeatedly at this point, but I can't because the people I am trying to ring up are standing in front of me and I am beginning to look petulant and frustrated and they are looking at me like I am retarded.

FInally I just kill the whole thing and run their party for only $61 (after throwing my own damn dollar in there, since all they had was $60 and I was SO DONE I didn't care) and hand them the reciept. While dealing with this, my assitant arrived and stole my keys from aorund my neck and went back to the kitchen.

I storm upstairs and star blowing up balloons with fury, but they are small and leaky and keep falling over. I don't care. My boss J asks me what is wrong. I tell him I just suffered a harrowing computer induced ordeal and ow what to either a kill myself, b, kill someone else or c just plain fucking quit.

He says " None of those are good options, just do the balloons" so I do.

I leave for a minute to find Assistant and Lifegaurd discussing blowjobs. Now, I had already discussed with Assistant the fact that I had never giving a blowjob. jumping to conclusions I said " WHAT? Are you telling him that I never-" ( At this point I realize that I have given myself away and turn and storm off into the stock room, vowing to never come out> But I have to eventually)

Assistant laughs at me. For some unknown and traitorous reason, I feel my eyes trying to cry. I don't know why. SHe then tries to tell me that not having a reputation for giving blowjobs is a good thing, and think of how awkward it would be if two people you had givin blowjobs to began to discuss your technique. I asked her if this had happened to her. She said "..................no.............." THen she told me about all the places she had sex. This will get us both fired. ANd makes me want to take a shower.

Then Boss J tells me to write down all the prices plus tax on a peice of paper. When I try to grab a chair Assisant yanks is out from under me. I am pisse.d BUt then the popcorn machine tries to kill Asisstant who runs away screaming and hypervhentalating, which was quite funny.

THen I had to deal with Dave. ( Dave has a name because I do not like him. IF you are nameless, I'm cool with you. ) Dave is just irritating. He makes me feel combative. He makes fun of how I parent, how I dress, how I talk. After 15 minutes of this I finally just blurt out, I don't like you DAve!

THe silence ensuing is pretty epic. Dave leaves. I am glad. I don't like him. But he continues to return several times thrughout the evening.

Finaly, I get to leave,and come home to find Keving and Jake going to Dominos. Jake gets me a lava cake, but I fall asleep before they get back so he puts the lava cake on my stomach as though I am a plant and I can absorb the nurtrients. I can't and its hot, as it is a lava cake. I wake up with molten chocolate on my stomach, toss it in the fridge an dgo to bed.

I had the lava cake for breakfast. Awesome, I know.

But that is why yesterday was a harrowing ordeal. Maybe "harrowing " Is a bit extreme, but it suck. At least I got cake out of it.