Why I Am a BAD MOTHER

I have a confession to make.

I am a bad mom. Here is the proof:

1 Prince says both "Hell yeah!' and "Oh, Shit!"
2 I count french fries as a vegetable.
3 I never buy him a meal of his own when we go out, I just share with him.
4 I let him drink Iced Tea
5 nothing we have is organic on purpose.
6 I never turn off the TV .
7 those infant learning cards? yeah, we have them, bent up all over the house.
8 Prince sleeps in my bed at least once a week.
9 I call a sitter so I can go get drunk with friends about once a month. ( or maybe this makes me a good mom for not drinking around my kid)
10 I yell if he doesn't listen after two tries
11 He dumped his plate on me, so I dumped my plate on him.
12 I have sat on him in order to brush his teeth.
13 He once bit me and I called him a savage little beast, and threw him in his room and forgot about him for an hour.
14 I give him chunks of lemon because the face he makes is funny.
15 When he isn't behaving like a little prince, he is a little rat.
16 I once lost him in Khols and when I found him, he had dismantled a sunglasses display.
17 One time he was screaming, and I thought he was throwing a fit, but actually, his foot was caught in his bed rail.
18 I let the neighborhood kids take him out to play so I can take a nap.
19 I have seriously considered sending footage of him throwing a tantrum in to Trojan for a condom commercial.
20 I almost always come home from work with a balloon ( or ten) candy, stickers, or a toy for him.
21 He thinks I am the Goddess of Crackers and Milk, because I never tell him no.
22 I used to make cheese sandwiches, now I just give him a piece of cheese because that's all he eats.
23 He got into my make up and dress shoes. I took picture.
24 I also have a naked picture of him on my TV stand.
25 Sometimes the only thing he eats all day is macaroni and cheese. Even for breakfast.
26 his birthday parties take 6 months planning and cost a couple hundred dollars.
27 last Christmas he got 4 tricycles. And I let him keep them all
28 none of our remotes have batteries an non of our lamps work because he lost them or broke them and I cant be bothered to replace them
29 I once put his shoes on the wrong feet and yelled at him for crying the whole walk to the grocery store and didn't realize the problem until we got home.
30 I quit breastfeeding before a year.
31 I didn't use cloth diapers.
32 I once lost our entire stock of bottles only to find them a week later, nasty, curdled bottles of have filled milk, underneath his crib. I washed them out and kept using them,
33 I have tried to take bottles away 4 times, but always cave.
34 I only remember to run the humidifier half the time.
35 I forgot to do the moth by month baby book for his second year, and it probably wont get done now.
36 if anyone else is over, I defer bed time to them, so I don't have to deal with it. He always screams when I put him down, but not anyone else.
37 our neighbors smoke weed. I let Prince play with their son, even though I could smell it so I could walk to the grocery store.
38 I let him fall off the bed when he was 4 month old
39 I let him get a concussion the day before his first birthday.
40 I use the fact that I have a baby with me to get better seats on the bus, help out of the grocery store, and just making people move.


Someone call CPS, because I am obviously the world's worst mother.