sorry its been so long, not that very many people are reading, but it's been like, 2 weeks. And to be honest, its been rough. i'm going to have to take a break from my normal, sacreligous humor today because I AM JUST NOT FEELING IT.
There, I said it. I'm pissed off. everybody just back the fuck off before I hurt someone. There are multiple facets to how pissed off i am.
1 school. my college lost my pell grant. now, the only reason i even GO to college is because i get a pell grant. if not, i would never be able to afford it. but they lost it an term is already more then a month in. they said 10-21 WORKING DAYS to fix it. it'll be next semester before i get any books.
2 prince broke half the keys on my keyboard. space and shift and enter don't work properly anymore.
3 i was suddenly moved from a part time employee to a full time employee. this normally wouldn't be a bad thing but for the fact that the state is dragging its ass on my childcare subsidy. now i have to bug my sister in law on watching Prince for two whole days in a row,and i don't getasingle day off between school and work
4 husband completly brushed off the whole working with no baby sitter thing entirely. things had been going very well. now i feel slighted and angry. his friend realized that i wanted to say something and asked me about it BEFORE my fucking HUSBAND.what the hell, man?
5 next month is my birthday. this is also usually a good thing, but not this year. i want to throw a halloween party ( since my birthday is so close) but am having trouble drumming up the cash to make itgood, and i also know that husband will likely forget again or spend all the money on his stupid cigerettes. yes, he loves the smokes more then me.
6 the whole not having a car thing. i have a car that does not run. it needs about fiftybucks worth of repair, but it has sat for 3 months because money is just that fucking tight.
7 hunger. i have been hungry. we have some food now, for a while there i was only eating once a day, or every other day. that sucked. but now i just feel like i am constantly starving to death. i can't get enough to eat, and crave things. i can never pitch in to buy lunches at work either, even though they always let me eat with them. makes me feel like a mooch
8 just sick of being poor. i want to buy stuff that i need when i need it and buy stuff i want because i want it. and not have to beg borrow or steal. its not fucking fair, how hard i workand how little ihave to show for it.
9 not sure, but it looks like i might be pregnant again. also this would not normally be a bad thing but for 1, we're broke. 2 i wanted to drink at my birthday. 3 no one in either of our family thinks we should have more kids because our marriage sucks and 4 i've had 2.5 miscarriages ( counting princes little twin sister who died in utero) as much as i want another baby, i'm wary. what if they just keep dying?
i am having such a bad time with life.i need a hug.
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